Hodlovicky

2750m, Par 36

As I told Kvjetaak, as he apologized for the 18^th time for not being able to find the entrance to the golf course, sometimes it’s easier, and more fun, to make a hatchet job than to make a favorable review of a good golf course . . . their signage just absolutely sucks by its absence, both going to the golf course, and on the golf course . . . everyone almost plays #8 after #5, because the tee is right there by the green, and there is no sign to direct you over to #6.

What a mosquito-infested goat-track this is . . . oh . . . it doesn’t look so bad, but it’s short and narrow and patchy . . . but instead of taking advantage of the bucolic setting next to the Vltava River, the course is nestled between train tracks, tramways, freeways, and the river . . . with horrible, desperate looking decrepit motels and truck stops looking over the course . . . not to mention the constant parade of bikers, in-liners, and walkers lining the pathways around the golf course . . . it’s just near The Beach, and the site of so much nubile flesh is likely to make me hit a hard hook as anything else, if you know what I mean . . .

They charge for parking here, since their main business is a driving range, 10Kc an hour, but we found that out only after parking on the other side of the driving range and hoofing it in the 400m . . .

On the par4 #1, I just hammered my drive down the left side . . . Kvjetaak couldn’t believe how far it was . . . he kept pointing to range balls, “Is that yours?” which I would answer by one-handing them with a wedge into the screen guarding the driving range. . . I tho’t I had 60m+10m=77yds, but it musta been 70+10=88yds, because I came up short, right at the base of a tree guarding the green, in the middle of the fairway . . . I shouldn’t complain, it shouldn’t’ve been an issue, but I mis-calculated by eyeballing the 50m stake . . . no sprinkler head meterages, y’know. . . double bogey

On the par3#2, I clutched up, didn’t put a good swing on, and glanced off the bulkhead of the peninsula green. My 3^rd shot went right over the pin & long . . . double-bogey.

On the par5#3, my drive found the left bunker, shudda laid back with the 3 wood . . . too tough to split the fairway bunkers. Foozled out, foozled into the next bunker, too. Hit a tree coming out, caromed across the fairway into the rough. Came out straight over the pin, again, with a flyer, that rolled off the back. Double Bogey.

On the par4#4, my drive perfectly split the fairway, which meant that I was behind the ubiquitous Czech golf course design feature of a tree. . . Kvjetaak hit a 3wood, as he said, with his iron-swing, contrary to the instructions of his golf trainer, and hit a sweet, tight draw to the fat part of the fairway short of the tree I was behind . . . then he hit a strong 7iron to the right corner of the green . . . best 2 shot combo he’s hit while I was watching. I failed to pull off my 7 iron trick shot, low-slice out from under the tree – just foozled, but I hit a wedge dead online, 8 ft below the pin. I missed that par putt, and Kvjetaak 3jacked.

I’m totally bummed cuz I am driving theball like a mofo, but winding up where I can’t score . . . Kvjetaak is not entirely unhappy cuz now he is hitting strong shots instead of weak blocks . . . most of which he can use.

On the par3#5, I pull-drew my 7wood more than I wanted, tho’t it was in the bunker, but it turned out to be pin high on the hump, in the rough . .. I just chunked a pw down off the hump and let the ball roll around the hole, for a two-handed tap-in for par. Kvjetaak hit a spectacular hook solidly off the tee, then blocked an iron short and right, hit his typical adroit pitch shot, but missed the come-backer for double bogey.

On the par4#6, after we’d dealt with not teeing off on #8, I hit a rising quail so perfect we both tho’t it was on the green, but it was just in the rough, on a hanging lie, with a huge bunker between me and the thin green. I had to go long, then 3putted from the back fringe. Kvjetaak blocked his approach into the trap after another super drive. Tho the hairy lip over his ball threatened both his swing and the flight he was able to get the ball past the hole onto the back fringe, for a 3 putt. We were both disgruntled.

So, on the par4#7 we both hooked the holy asparagus out of our shots, trying to circumnavigate this hump that obscures the fairway . . . if you go straight you’ll be in trouble in the trees & rough . . . those trees are still growing, but they’re already growed enough to catch a line-drive . . . turned out I was in a water hazard on #8, while Kvjetaak was just short . . . he hit the kind of low-skipper the pros hit when they put a lot of spin on the ball. I dropped a new ball and came up short of the green, just over the water, from another meterage miscalculation . . . which I attributed to haste because we were in the 8^th fairway, with a group on the tee in front of us . . . double bogey for me and a par for kvjetaak after a tough two-putt from 15 feet that broke 3 feet.

On the par5#8, you have to hit from a copse of trees that feel very claustrophobic, or it did the first time we’d been by there, under the impression it was #6 . . . this second time, it was that black with darkness It didn’t matter. . . we were just playing by feel anyway. . . both blocked out into the trees, but over the water hazard onto the #3 fairway. . . hit good shots, but entirely across the #8 fairway . . . played safe 2 shots back into the fairway, but we lost both shots to the green . . . Kvjetaak found two other balls, but I said, I’m done, and anyway we’re as close to the car as we’re going to get, so lets go. . . it was fricken 9:30 anyway, and the mosquitos weren’t losing any enthusiasm . . .

So we didn’t play #9. Don’t care.

Kvjetaak says he has to play Hodlovicky again because he is in a virtual golf tournaj for PRG Courses and still in first place, but I don’t have to go back and I won’t, life is too short, and my time in PRG is bound to be even shorter. . . .