These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
A hungry dog hunts best.
You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen..
I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.
Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that..
The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.
I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye..
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
Swing hard in case you hit it.
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.
Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best.
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law.
I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.